Scared and burdened with emotional wounds throughout its journey on earth. Never knowing the touch of a mother’s hand, no words of I love you, one child was showered with love, the other the mother could not stand. All of the tomorrows’ the path long and steep; it searched a lifetime to asking why did the mothers’ anger run so deep. A lifetime of sadness, the hate clear; the mother was spiteful.
The moment the mother was laid in the ground. Truth in its abandonment never found, this abused Soul tries to remember that understanding and unhappiness are closely bound. Band from seeing her mother in those last precious days, lies told many things stole. The soul now grown did not want her possessions, she hoped to hear her say the words, I love you, but it was too late. To the end the mother held on to her hate.
When anger and depression fuse together, they give birth to madness. Loathing emotions born out of the pits of darkness holds an emptiness and void that can never find contentment. Madness thinks of death, is in harmony with Stillness. It feels pain, lives in blackness, hopes for nothing; survives as its opponent living life be aware-its toxic and filled with madness.
The hospital room has become a sanctuary of darkness and light. My Angels are living here with me during every sleeping and waking moment. Their love and kindness are teaching me patience; the pain cleans my soul showing me the way.
I do believe that their light shines upon me. They also with the pills made available takes me from the darkness and pain, the pain is leaving me with a certain wisdom that I have never known before. Maybe this road that I must now travel is a blessing in disguise. Bone cancer, will do this to one! One where I can see the truth and bring it to others in my writing.
If this newly found wisdom brings me closer to home, it will all be worth it. My Dixie is another Angel in my life, so loving never meets a stranger, never mad always happy and she loves her mama. When you are looking death in the face, you either embrace it or try to hide it. I am trying to be open to this new chapter in my life and share it with all who will read my blog. It is hard to explain how beautiful life can be if you remove yourself from toxic “things”. Love and forgiveness is truly the right path to journey upon. I will continue to write my fiction, to create my poetry and prose. Please visit often. EAJM
We were poor, but the world of a child knows no rich
or poor. My daddy was a Sharecropper, my mother
worked in the cotton mill making thread, Ma who was
well into her eighties crochet doilies, my sister was
going to marry a young soldier, and me…I ran barefoot
in the cotton fields and roamed the caves in the bluffs
of Burleson Mountain near our house.
My heart sometimes aches for those times, the tarpaper
shack, the little white church on the mountain; and the
innocent days of yesteryear. They are all gone now,
only I remain with the memory of those long ago days.
However, I find that I can return at any time and stay as
long as I want. Memories never grow old.
It is through what I call a “brain fog” that I create “Fear and Pain, a Gift”. I try to gather and put upon paper my thoughts. I have stopped thinking of a day, one, two etc.; they run together and get in the way of what I want to say. I send immense love to all of you, so many have kept me in their thoughts, as I have you. You will never know how precious your prayers are to me. EAJM
Fear and Pain, a Gift
What is growing old all about?
The first cancer treatment is a day behind me. Today is worse than yesterday. Weak, shaky, slight headache. “Bad” blood cells have increased within one week from 70% to 80%, that window of 20% looks increasingly that it is going in the wrong direction. Chemo is aggressive; I have 4 days to get to feeling better before the next round. I have a wonderful physician, best in Wisconsin. No, I have not given up…my body is at war at the moment. Short note, but it’s about all I can manage today. This brain fog I am in leaves no room for creating; however, I may try to post some older works. The book has been set aside for now as well. Have a great week, peace and praise to all of you.
Dear Followers and Readers, it would seem that over the past few months that I have been on the downside of health. I have been in the hospital twice, and I am still fighting a health problem. I just had my third fall, and I was in the hospital at the time. This, of course led to a barrage of test. The results more test than I care to count. The final diagnosis on Thursday May 27 was bone cancer. Needless to say my life has done a flip-flop and many adjustments must be made; over the next five months I will undergo chemotherapy, and most knows what that does to the body. I am permanently over those months unable to walk without assistance; a wheelchair will allow me to move about without falling. This plan may have a good outlook, walk alone, or I will have to continue with this mode of getting around. My immune system is gone; therefore, I have to monitor my visitors. I will continue to work on the blog when possible; since life for me is confined I may get more done that first thought. I have a work of fiction that I want to complete. I will stay busy and fight with all I have to beat the odds and the seven year life span that the doctors have said I have to live. I want to thank you for your continued support and hope you will continue to stop by to see any new entries.