On Death…#54

The voice on the other end of the line was distraught, yet the sobs were recognizably those of one of my adult children. An individual, a father figure had gone from critical to a “comfort care” situation. When your children’s hearts are breaking, so does yours, helpless to take away the pain that is in the forefront.

The first call was laced with a magnitude of denial; of course, the medical professionals do not “help” the journey to reality with taking extraordinary measures under the conditions and the age of the patient. Ever costly method available to them is considered, having worked in the health care industry at one point in my life, the term “getting another day” became more than familiar.

Although I cannot express enough my belief in a “Living Will”. The end results in many of these situations will be the same, only with the coffers of the industry getting fatter at the expense of a family whose frightened with the prospects of death and they agree beyond their “knowing” and maintain the denial vigil.

I do not “deny” this process to those who need the time, I have always had to deal in reality and I have never had the possibility to go through a systematic dying stage. I have confronted “anger”! No why me, but angry because the time was too short. No one is to blame, we are born dying and that is life, but I become angry at time, wasted time.

I have never tried to “bargain” with God, I tried once but Jesus did not come down and raise from his deathbed the most important person in my life, my father. It will not prolong life, it is a waste of precious time with the person you love, the person that is about to leave from your realm of existence forever.

The demon depression is always there, quickly to pounce on its prey, rob senses and again precious time. I cannot say grief will get better with time; the answer to this question is in the hands of the depressed. Grief itself is an abuser and a killer; it will take you to the depths of hell and back before it will release you from its talons of doubt and angry denial.

Acceptance is an individual choice. You can chose to live life with deep and wonderful memories of life or you can accept weakness and live in a void for which there may be no return. Choices! I believe those who are passing on chose to face reality long before those who love them do.

Today, I waited for the call that would tell me the suffering has ended that of my son and that of the “father” that he chose to accept rather than his own. I pray for a release from life that is no longer sustainable and a quick entry into another realm of existence. I pray for the hurt my child feels today to end, for the grieving process is much harder and lasts much longer.  

There are no words to ease the pain, take away the hurt, but silently being there ready to pick them up when they have fallen, wipe away tears, reinforce God’s plan. This is all we can hope for, that and continued prayer.  The last thing is for me to accept my son’s love of a father-in-law over that of his own father.  Death is hard on everyone.

Peace and Love

Elizabeth

©2019.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree  

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13 thoughts on “On Death…#54

  1. Oh dear Elizabeth, my heart sincerely feels for you. The grieving process is truly a painful one, and yes, every individual copes in their own way. Over the past seven years I’ve personally suffered too much, but life is not about the fallen (God bless), but about the caring and attending to those that are here by our sides.
    I draw my inspiration, (to keep travelling my life’s journey), from my dear niece, in Philadelphia, She has suffered SMA since birth, and her courage and grace, are oceans deep full of fortitude, against all the odds. She’s the reason that I recently travelled around the world. To see her smiling face has rejuvenated my attitude and health, and left me in a wonderful frame of mind. It was our first ever meet-up (My 4 weeks there were amazing)… Her own catch phrase is….”Don’t let the world bring you down”
    However, I you hope to handle your situation well, and wherever you draw your strength and inspiration from, may God be with you, throughout your journey…
    Cheers
    Ivor xx

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    1. Ivor20…What a wonderful time to receive your note. I have been sick most of the week and your words resonate with me.

      We have to learn to cope and keep busy, I have been writing for years, I finally put my book babies on the market, good or bad there they went one by one. After my daughter passed I begin to paint after many years of removing that part of my life.
      I is quite a journey isn’t it. I have posted some of them on the blog.

      So I am in the ring fighting many unwanted things, struggles with grief, alone so many years, I dont know how that happen. Its just me and my furry companion. I try to walk with God daily. Take care E.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a well written and so well thought out post. I know where you are coming from with this and perhaps we are of similar age and stage in life and that is why we see it as we do.

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    1. Thank you for the lovely comment, well anne I am 80 years old, I write for the blog, write fiction and nonfiction, I have an imagine that is very strong. I believe we may have the same views and values on life. E.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This past winter I did interviews with two women equestrians who are still riding at 70. I also included myself as a third. One of the riders is 75 and still competing in Grand Prix dressage. She said, just like you, she ignores any physical difficulties or limitations and just rides on!! Thanks for this nice comment

        Liked by 1 person

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