Days Gone By…#338

We were poor, but the world of a child knows no rich 
or poor.   My daddy was a Sharecropper, my mother 
worked in the cotton mill making thread, Ma who was
 well into her eighties crochet doilies, my sister was 
going to marry a young soldier, and me…I ran barefoot  
in the cotton fields and roamed the caves in the bluffs
 of Burleson Mountain near our house.

My heart sometimes aches for those times, the tarpaper 
shack, the little white church on the mountain; and the 
innocent days of yesteryear.  They are all gone now, 
only I remain with the memory of those long ago days. 

However, I find that I can return at any time and stay as 
long as I want.  Memories never grow old.

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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The Empty Pine Box…#337

[Fighting with Words, Poetry or Prose are My Weapons.]  EAJM

The Empty Pine Box…#337

Horror haunted- trying to lay out one’s days – schedules

Keeping relentless. Isolated yet fearless, in this desert land

Called Cancer -"Oh God!" I say, "Object of evil – the devil!

I tell this soul with sorrow laden if, with the angels of healing

Protect me in this desert land called Cancer –

I walk on the black sands of time, unbroken in mind but sound

 In spirit.  Take this loneliness from my heart, keep evil from my

Soul.  Protect me in this desert land called Cancer –

I dream of demons, shadows surround me, am I protected?

It is in the night that I feel weak and weary.  It is the waking

That I find myself drenched with sweat.  Was there someone

Rhythmically shaking me awake.  Protect me in this desert land

Called Cancer –

The box in the corner, a pine box, empty.  Without fear, I face

My terror; my heart pounds in my chest.  I pray many times a

Day, my soul grows stronger.  The shadows are gone, only the

Drenching of my cloths give way to the nightmare.  I whisper,

“Please, no more”.  Protect me in this desert land

Called Cancer –

I believe that I hear the Black Crows calling outside my window.

It is a myth that they bring death, I close my ears to the sounds

Of the Ravens.  Birds or Beast, they break the confines of my soul

And I know they too will be gone soon.  I have wheeled myself

In front of my terror, depressing, frightening, evil. 

Protect me in this desert land called Cancer –

Author’s Books…

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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Fear and Pain, a Gift…#336

 
It is through what I call a “brain fog” that I create “Fear and Pain, a Gift”.  I try to gather and put upon paper my thoughts.  I have stopped thinking of a day, one, two etc.; they run together and get in the way of what I want to say.  I send immense love to all of you, so many have kept me in their thoughts, as I have you.  You will never know how precious your prayers are to me.  EAJM

Fear and Pain, a Gift  


What is growing old all about?

It is not a new question for me,

I have given thought to the

Subject since I was young. 

Unloved by my mother, though

I always loved her dearly; she

Was emotionally absent in my

Life; as was my daddy in many

Ways.  So, at the start of this

Flight into the Imagination, the

Answer was Simple.  I would die

Very young!

II.

I did not want to be alone and

Unloved, dying young would

Prevent my fears from coming

Into the light of day; where I

Must face them.  Afraid to face

The truth, afraid to face reality. 

I provided the shell that would

Protect me.  I would not give into

My fears, and never have been

Afraid to die.

III.

Then at a very young age, I was

Married and gave birth to my

First daughter.  I was about to

Take a journey that would give

Me joy, unconditional love.  As

Each day passed I felt the strength

Of a “Warrior”, I was given the

Responsibility to take care of my

Child.  Strength, not decay. Each

Nerve in my body strung with a

Fierce message that it was not in

My youth that I dreamed it would

Be!  The golden days lay within

The realm of being a good mother,

As good as it could be, from day

Break to sunsets glow.

IV.

I soon looked at the world in a

Different light, my heart both wept

And shoved the fullness of the past,

Those years would lay dormant.  If

Not but for awhile!  I was never

Young, I lived in the hot prison of the

Present with a bruised mind and

Body.  What I felt deep within my

Heart would fester and grow, but it

Would never be a part of my being

A mother.  Masked emotion would

Be my past, present, and future.

V.

To suffer was the plan, not one from

Me but from as higher power.  I am

But a hollow ghost, a phantom of one

Who was given the greatest duty? 

The last stage is not one in pain and

Agony, but that of one that has been lifted

Toward the Heavens and on Earth has been

Given the greatest gift of them all, five

Wonderful souls, my children and being

Their mother.  Five brilliant children who

Love me unconditionally. I and my love

For them keeps me moving forward.

Day 2…#335

The first cancer treatment is a day behind me.  Today is worse than yesterday.  Weak, shaky, slight headache.  “Bad” blood cells have increased within one week from 70% to 80%, that window of 20% looks increasingly that it is going in the wrong direction.  Chemo is aggressive; I have 4 days to get to feeling better before the next round.  I have a wonderful physician, best in Wisconsin.  No, I have not given up…my body is at war at the moment.  Short note, but it’s about all I can manage today.  This brain fog I am in leaves no room for creating; however, I may try to post some older works.  The book has been set aside for now as well.  Have a great week, peace and praise to all of you.

EAJM