Back On-Line…#349

Image result for someone typing in a dream

I am back on-line and out of the hospital once again.  I want to let you know about my latest episode with “Multi Myeloma”, bone cancer.  I went into the Oncology center for my “Chemo” treatment Friday, August 20, 2021; the ride was uneventful as was the blood draw.  I was taken to Dr. O, office for a consult before treatment.  It was there that she informed me that my oxygen was low and that she was sending me via ambulance to the ER.  The ride to the ER was the last thing that I rationally remembered.

I remembered one of the ER Doctors saying that I had, a fever, lungs filling up, Pneumonia, for many my age this is a death sentence!  They begin treating the infection immediately, I explained that I needed to go home, that I had been in the hospital for two-half weeks, Rehab for two-weeks, and I had been gone from home for over one-month.  Home only one day and was in Oncology for Chemo, I needed to go home.  I remember IV’s and confusion!   

I opened my eyes and it was still dark outside, a nurse told me it was August 21, 2021, I told her that I thought it was December 21, that my room was decorated for Christmas.  She was very kind explaining that I had entered the hospital on August 20, 2021, it was early morning and there were no decorations in my room.  Thank goodness she stayed with me continuing to explain that I was taking “mega” medications and that may be the reason for the delirium. I “thought” that I got up out of bed making my way outside where there was snow on the ground, a scene out of a movie “Four Season” that I had watched recently.  I tried to remember the names of the other couple go no avail, not even the stage names or the man I was with, Alan Alda.  My thoughts, I was dying and my children had decorated the room making it Christmas for me. 

When morning light began to creep into the room my mind took another turn into the fantasy world of delirium.  Christmas had disappeared, staff came in and out, I believed it was time to “shut up” and take in my surroundings, the only real thing was my son, Chuck.  

With Chuck being there and a telephone call from Carl make me realize that they too had experienced this type of delusion, and Mia a wonderful nurse that stayed with me until he shift had ended.  I continued to weigh in on my surroundings, I was suspicious of many things, and I tried to keep up with the staff, their names, and their positions in the hospital.  I read each IV that hung over my head, the contents and did I know what they were giving me.  My little knowledge of medicine gave me no help, but some of them I understood.  The hospital was not trying to poison me!  Chuck and Mia talk to me, he seem to have a great deal of understanding of what she was telling him, she had hugged me earlier, which was nice.  I did begin to come out of it and by Saturday afternoon, once again had control of my senses.

My delirium is now gone…  I had to spend several days in the hospital.  The combo of medications placed me in that position, which I did not care for and hope to never experience again.  I am back at the computer and tomorrow plan to work on my book.

My plan is to take all of the experiences that I have endured to put in the book that I had started before all of the health problems begin, Severe Anemia, Vitamin D Deficiency, No White Blood Cells, Cancerous Red Blood Cells, Bone Cancer and the latest a Broke Back and a Right Fracture of the Ankle, and on top of all of that Pneumonia.  Yet, here I sit pounding out my latest story for all of you on the old keys.  I and down but do not count me out!

I love each and every one of you and hope to work on a poem to post over the weekend, along with writing as much as possible on the book.  The days are getting shorter and the deadline may be at hand.  I hope that you will find my poetry books interesting and the book about my daughter compelling.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

EAJM

*What are your thoughts on Sirhan Sirhan getting paroled? 

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Beware of the Politician…#348

Image result for Funny Politicians
Beware of the Politician...
In this tedious, disastrous land
We must be doubtful of the
Political ignorant.
They seize my senses in how
They deceive and when called
Out they act belligerent.
They are slowly taking from us
The values we hold dear.
Beware the politicians
Control our lives and rule by
Fear.

 ©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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Recalling Time…#347

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Mindful

Micro Poetry – Recalling of Time

Memories, the past has many doors to open, one could spend a lifetime in these corridors of time.  Rooms bulging with stories good and bad; they rise to fill our minds with happiness, joy or sadness.  Like soft petals falling to the ground, so does the memory of our life fall gently upon our hearts?

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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The Sea…#346

Artwork by Elizabeth Ann Johnson-Murphree
The Sea…
As I lay in pain, the room grew dark,
The mirrors and windows covered
In black. Then came the truth about
Dying and the opening of the grave. 
I was weeping but no one, heard,
The pressing of the brace against my
Skin was gone, yet I felt it still, a ring
Of fire.
A man with an ashen face looked
At me sadly.  I tried to speak, tell
Him not to worry, that I would Soon 

be free, my sufferings were
Soon to be over, and I would have
Freedom and live in grace.  I knew
Waiting for me was meadows, and
Fields of green clover. The corn-
Flowers  would look like tender lace.
We are by the sea, the misty air is
Falling on the sea of people dressed
In black, the sea of people, there
Are no more lies.  No more hatred
You can chose to die in triumph or
Disaster, it is your choice.  The
Tools that you chose to use in life
Are no longer needed.  There will be
New beginning, your heart will no
Longer be in pain.  Now you may

Walk with Kings, the Heavens are

Yours to bring peace until us all

Meet again.


©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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A Life Unrepressed…#345

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Today, I feel blessed…

I have spent the last three weeks in the hospital and one in a rehab/nursing facility, four weeks..  I fell! I was transported to the hospital.  Within the one week that I was there I was diagnosed with bone cancer, severe anemia and the fall broke my back and right foot.  I am on the mend; cancer will never go away, a rare one with no cure.  The anemia will hopefully at one point change and the broke back will mend.  I have a back brace that has to be ultra tight on me, and I must wear a brace for the rest of my life.  Oh well, I still have my sense of humor!

That’s the bad news; the good is that I have mega writing time. I feel stripped of both worlds.  Only my computer gives light to my days and nights, creating reality and chalets the world of imagination.

I want to share the meaning of creating poetry.  What I see in a poem, it is an image in my mind that must have all the words come together to creates a story.  When creating a poem it becomes the center of my existence.   A writer, actually lives in two worlds, one of reality and one of make believe.  There are times when they meld together; I fear one day the latter will become my only world.  This may come with senility?  At my age, I doubt I will ever see that stage of life.

Currently the world of make believe, fiction, blogging and imagination serves me well.  It masks the pain!  My site, gives me an outlet to create in my poetry how I feel emotionally too.  The realm of imagination is one of quiet periods of reality and fiction join together to give the strength to find a reason for existence.

Peace and Love to each of you.

E.

A Life Unrepressed
Lighting surges through a war of disrespectful words, tears descending, wet.  In times of uncertainty, an unknown sadness is out of control, a smile, a gesture; or fear clings to a receptive body.  Words may not bring rest or smiles, the soul deep within knows.
There is no one that can unlock the heart, nothing that can be said or felt.  Thoughts, do not reveal or conceal, disguise the lack of sympathy, place blame and criticize.  Alienate the voice, if only for one moment feel free.  Fate, possession, strife, and life.
The genuine self, forced to obey, despite and un-regarded life blind to the hurt of others will embed hate eternally.  The knowledge of life fire and force, walking down a rough path; deep pain.  No spirit, hate has the power to control, nameless feelings that have conceded to a life unrepressed.  Speak and act so no one will know hidden damage floating down to the soul.
The hidden self, inward strife and following demands; in return, a thousand nothings, all-miraculously give power.   Hide in the depths of the soul; echo speaks of pain.  Lackluster eyes stare, glare, and the words unspoken deafening creating fear.  A bolt of tones, frightening, is piercing ears.
No feeling stirs, the heart laid plain, unaware of a life winding down, no meadows of flowers, no sun, no breeze, and the madness is elusive to all.  No feeling, no respite.  In quietness, the war of mocking words; the tears, the sadness. The thoughts of the sea, the crashing waves; soul and spirit sinking within its wet madness and always stay, stay, and stay.
Too late, love revealed itself in death, and the heart has nothing to say.  Living and moving in disguises, alien, until the end.  Life had nothing to possess, strife, identity.  Blind, uncertainty, life no fire or restlessness, a thirst for the mystery of it all, nameless feelings lived in vain.  The loss, the heart lay open for all to see, the hurt hidden twisted among the rubble of pain.  Yet, after all that, there is tomorrow.  

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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The Whole Day Through…#344

Image result for red poppy's

The Whole Day Through…
I lay down in a field of poppies, red
Dotted among the green, I watched
The clouds moving lazy above me.
They touched the mountain peaks,
They touched my soul, it’s far away,
But someday there I will go.
If I lay long enough it will be night
The stars will come out to greet
Me, among them may be the
Milky Way.  It is then that I shall
Rise, the Poppy field will not want
Me to stay.
As a Poet I live in a meditative mood,
And live in the delight of solitude.  I
Am met in the morning by the dew
Dropped roses through an open window
Their scent last the whole day through.
I live my life to experience these
Pleasures.  There was a time when
I let them pass me by, so many years
I have wasted trying to live with lies.
A human soul lives within me, I fear
 That the years have crushed the flowers
Of my life.  With the time I have left
On earth, I want to spread the love
Within me, remove myself of toxic things
Or people, in my life that bring nothing
But hatred and strife.
This new belief I know was sent from the
Heavens above, a new path for me to
Follow was written in my life’s plan.  I
Have a new lease on life, my goal to live
It the way I have always planed, no stopping
Me now, I have been shown the way, a
Second chance to live in peace and in
Truth.  The guilty I will be free from the
Debris of their truths, they will hurt me
No more.

Flying with Broken Wings
Flying with Broken Wings

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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#autobiography #Death of daughter #Poetry