September 2021 – The Last Chapter

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Thoughts of the past…

During most of my life, I thought that I would die young; now at eighty-two I know that is not going to happen. I passed the deadline for that one years ago! I now live in that overwhelming situation that many elderly people find themselves in; sick enough to think that I am dying and well enough to keep breathing.

My body is bent and broken as I lean into that proverbial forest where I know that I will not go without food as I may have done in those younger days. Yet, the question may be how or why you hunger at all. Survival is no longer the situation; thought is given to if I even care?

Many of you may have had parents that would tuck you safely in your bed at night, tell you that “Everything will be all right”; but I did not have those parents. Mine dying of old age has since passed on, decades ago, my mother would not come home until long after I would have been in bed. My daddy, he patted me on the head like one of the dog’s saying “Nite”. If it was during the school year after the man chores, I was responsible for, I would finish my homework by an oil lamp, putting myself to bed.

The feeling became normal to living; I would eat whatever a nine-year-old could cook for myself and my daddy, write in a Big Chief note pad, love them both with all my heart and will until I join them wherever that may be! Well, just a note from memory!

Recently, I made the decision to “block” an individual from my life. This was not easy! I felt it necessary as I do not want nor am I able physically to deal with the drama. In doing so I gave careful consideration to what it meant to be “toxic”. They met all of the criteria, and the drama was draining me of what little emotional energy that I possessed during this difficult time of my life.

The time I have, I want to put toward completing the book that I am working on, and trying to put those in my life that wants truth and not lies. A life time of lies have been overlooked, and much of it does not help me conserve my strength. I have not posted for awhile, but felt this was a good subject, there may be others who have held onto toxic situations and this posting may help them to turn loose.

Toxic behavior is generally defined as any behavior that negatively impacts others. The greatest one I believe is taking everything too personally. People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them. Toxic people are unhappy and unhealthy on the inside. Common traits of a Toxic Person are, they always want to be “given”, they live in a crisis mode, all the time.

Common traits of a Toxic Person are, they always want to be “given”, they live in a crisis mode, all the time. Nothing is ever their fault, they never follow through, and they lie about things that do not matter. They have no empathy for others.

It is not wrong to eliminate Toxic People from your life, you cannot be firm or set boundaries, it is not your job to save them. When it’s done, it’s done; treat it like a breakup that it is. Toxic people will do their best to drag you down. It is you that feels the anxiety, it is you that blames yourself on your communication skills. Toxic people will drain you of your energy.

If they are doing this to you, cut them out of your life for good. It’s not a sentimental journey, delete, delete, delete. It’s time to put yourself first. The behavior of a toxic person will affect our mental health and well-being. They have the power to sick the joy and happiness from within you and replace it with stress, anger, sadness, and other unwelcome feelings.

When you go through life believing that you are owed something, you will suffer endless deficiency; this is true of a toxic person. Toxic people blame everyone but themselves for their so-called “woes”. Toxic people act without sincerity, integrity, and honesty. Their world is made p of chaotic and unpredictable problems. A toxic person needs constant attention and will go to any length to get what they desire.

A toxic person’s life is filled with dama. They believe that the worst will happen to them so they cannot enjoy their day-to-day living. Their negative thoughts lead to negative actions and soon find themselves in a downward spiral to a bottomless pit. yy never follow through, and they lie about things that do not matter. They have no empathy for others.

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