A State of Mind…#414

A State of Mind –

I never believed

that I should be

immune to grief.

I accepted that

living in a

constant state of

unhappiness

conditioned me

to think it would

be my world my

existence.

I begin a journey

that I did not have

a “lifetime” to seek

the answers and

understanding now

it is urgent. We must

live within our own

schedule; we all

experience grief: we

can’t define it the same

way.

Whether a lifetime

or only moments, days

what causes grief are

many times the death

of those we love. But it

all results in one word:

finality.

When we lose, we

grieve happiness and

grief go hand in hand,

my grief

comes in the

form of abuse,

Both physical

and mental. Of

never being

wanted, this

has caused a lifetime

of anguish.

Nevertheless, the

child in me cannot

heal, so I allow her to

grieve, and I have given

her permission to recover

in her own time, if

possible. After all,

somewhere within, I

am still that child

who wanted desperately

to please, hear that I

mattered, and I, as a

grown-up, must now

search for the answer

to, “Who am I.”

A painful death

awaits me, I live

one day at a

time, life is slipping

away with no

answers. Art,

painting, prose,

and poetry from

the first to the

last word. When

Nature in all her

nakedness brings

us to our knees,

through storms with

rain, lightning, and

Fallen trees and

tornado-shaped

leaves that defeat

us?

It is not learning,

poise or grace,

but knowing that

touch of pain and

fear. That making

creation thinks.

When in this world’s

unpleasing youth,

your god-like race

began, the most

extended arm, the

sharpest tooth gave

man control.

Dig into a bruised

and bitten bone

that was taught

by pain and you

have learned that

with the deadly

stone, that “He”

felt on that far-off

shore, when

jabbed by the

singing spear.

When bone against

bone, tooth, and bone

were a means against

a foe. Man was bored

by consistent defeat.

some mind built the

stone and javelin

proved as vain as the

old-time bone against

bone, man fashioned

how to kill as he rose

from fear and pain.

Spurred anew by

fearful cries of terror

embedded deep

within the ancient

millions were killed

for one leader who

taught through fear,

soon the armor

disappeared then

the sword, bow and

pike, and the smoke

of battle cleared,

all men armed with

bombs were alike.

©2022.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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