Rubble of Pain…#176
Light flows through our war of disrespectful words, tears fall, cheeks wet. In these times of uncertainty an unknown sadness rolls over us, we smile, we jest, yet, there is a fear clinging within my breast. Your words do not bring me rest, or smiles, you give me your hand and hush for a while. Let me read your soul deep within your lucid eyes, a mind filled with disapproval.
There is no one now that can unlock my heart, nothing that can be said or felt. Your thoughts, did not reveal or conceal, or disguise your lack of sympathy, place blame and criticize. You became alien to me, yet you would not allow my heart, our voice, if only for one moment to be free. Fate, you felt possession, you poured out your strife like a muddy river, never to change.
You have no genuine self, you force to obey, despite and un-regarded for life you could not see, you were blind with doubt it was eternally. The knowledge of our life buried, fire and force, walking down the rough path; deep pain always mine. You had no spirit, only power to control, nameless feelings that course through my hurting breast, a life unrepressed. I speak and act so no one will know hidden burses down to the soul.
My hidden self, there are those that see you as charming and kind, this is not true! Inward I strive and follow demands; in return, a thousand nothings by the hour, all miraculous compensate your power. I am numb, yet I answer your call, from time to time I hid in the depths of my soul; my voice a floating unheard echo conveys pain. Your jaded eyes stare, glare, I read the words unspoken deafening creating fear. A bolt of tones, frightening, is piercing my ears.
No feeling stirs, the heart lies plain, you never became aware of a life winding down, you see no meadows of flowers, no sun, no breeze, and your madness is elusive to all the rest. There is no feeling there is no respite. The calm that I never knew, the mountains that my mind did climb; our war of mocking words; I held back the tears, the sadness, I wish that I lived by the sea where I could lose myself in the crashing waves; anything but here, my soul and spirit want to sink within its madness and always stay, stay, stay.
It was too late, your love came revealed in death, and my heart has nothing to say. You lived and moved in disguises, alien to all but yourself, there was no heart beating in your human breast, until the end. In life what did you truly possess, your own strife, your identity; the river of our life unclear flowed its way. I lived in blind uncertainty, life for me buried from the day we met, no fire or restlessness, just a thirst for the mystery of it all, nameless feelings lived in vain. The loss, my heart lay open for all to see, the hurt hidden twisted among the rubble of pain.
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